Black Jesus








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An exclusive interview with Black Jesus

Upon returning, the Prince of Peace granted Bean Soup Times an exclusive interview. Here it is with no hype, just straight Black Jesus.

Did you watch The Passion yet?
No. Been there done that.

You are obviously a black man., but since your teaching transcends race and gender, does it matter what color or gender you are?
My teaching does transcend race and gender, but if it didn’t matter what color I was, then why does Michael Jackson get ridiculed so much? He’s just trying to be like me, but he thinks I’m white. He looks just like a European version of me. You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you love blacks. And if it doesn’t matter what color I am then it shouldn’t matter that Jackie Robinson and Halle Berry are black and that Clarence Thomas is made out of chocolate.

Ah, so you and your Father do watch professional sports?
No. But God was there when Hank Aaron broke Babe Ruth’s home run record.

Where you there too?
I intended on coming, but I had a hard time catching a cab.

Do you eat pork?
I used to, until I cast them seven devils into swine. Soon after I turned some water into wine and I couldn’t remember which ones had the devil in them so I just stayed away from them all.

What do you think about Bush’s public affirmation of his faith in you?
Who?
George W. Bush, the president of the United States.
I’m don’t know him. But on another note, my mother always taught me to stay out the bushes. ‘Stay away from the thorns Jesus,’ she’s say.
Speaking of thorns, what were you thinking when you were nailed to the cross?
I thought to myself, why don’t my disciples get me down. They were just sitting around crying. Get a ladder or something.

Who’s your favorite actor?
Morgan Freeman. He played My Father pretty well in Bruce Almighty.

Have you had any other strange experiences since your return?
Yes, each time I go to the shopping mall, security guards follow me. They must know who I am and want to keep me safe.

How have people reacted to you?
Well, I knocked on one lady’s door on the north side and told her I was the Prince of Peace coming to offer her everlasting life. She called the popo and I spent two days in jail.

You used the term popo, meaning police?
Yes, I learned that term hanging out with sinners on the south side. Those people are really marvelous. Some of them will be my best followers one day.

It’s been a long time, but do you think black people deserve reparations?
Yes, they deserve reparations, but even more importantly, they need Jesus, Black Jesus that is. (smiles)

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