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Bush announces 50 Cent
Kanye West Nile Virus plan
8,000 people have said, “George Bush doesn’t care
about black people”
November 13, 2005
WASHINGTON—President Bush unveiled a strategy to
combat the threat of a Kanye West Nile Virus pandemic. He called for gangsta
rapper 50 cent to speak out against the Kanye West Nile Virus while the
government stockpile reserves of Babylon-type killing and partying tunes to
offset the “non gangsta” saying something about something other than
killing and partying type tunes.
Kanye’s erratic behavior during the Hurricane Katrina
crisis was only the most recent sign of a possible pandemic. Key symptoms of
the virus are the “tourettes” type impulse for blacks to speak publicly
about things usually said behind closed doors, in the dark, under a bed with a
whisper. Many recall Kanye’s somewhat confused and nervous look right before
he looked directly into the camera and said “George Bush don’t care about
black people.”
There have been a few other isolated cases of the virus
in the Hip Hop Nation in recent years, including Chuck D and Public Enemy, Nas,
and Jadakiss who dare speak about national socio-economic-political issues.
The virus has recently been found in rap artists in
Africa and the Middle East, though there is no evidence that the virus flu has
been spread from one person to another. Those who have contracted the virus
have had direct contact with either Kanye West or any self-respecting,
knowledgably Black American.
Officials in Asia, Africa, and Palestine have reported
cases of people saying, “George Bush doesn’t care about Asians (Africans)
(Palestinians) respectively.
Experts fear that if the virus mutates into a form that
can be easily spread through human-to-human contact, the result could be a
global outbreak, potentially including many deaths. Almost half of the
approximately 120 people who have contracted the virus have said, “George
Bush doesn’t care about black people” so far.
"There is no pandemic virus in our country, or in
the world, at this time," Bush said in a speech at the National
Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md. "But if we wait for a pandemic to
appear, it will be too late to prepare, and one day many lives could be
needlessly lost because we failed to act today. We plan to completely wipe out
the threat of any black person arrogant enough to speak their mind in public.
Those negative critics must return to behind closed doors, in the dark, under
the bed where they belong.”
The president's strategy calls for building national
reserves of anti black arrogance medicines like Cowardicina and Nigardly,
which can help reduce the effects of the Kanye West Nile though they cannot
prevent the virus from occurring. The stockpile of antiviral drugs would be
reserved for first responders, like police officers and health-care workers,
as well as at-risk populations during the first stages of a pandemic, the
president said.
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