Miers reveals true religion: Bushism
Chicagoans demand Ozzie Guillen be nominated for Supreme
Court
October 26, 2005
DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS—Supreme Court nominee
Harriet Miers revealed yesterday that her true religious belief centers around
knowing that President George W. Bush is the actual center of the universe and
that Bush’s tendency to make up words or mispronounce words is actually
“new revelation.”
“I’ve experience the divinity of Bush uttering a new
word for the first time, and it is incredible,” said Miers. “It’s as if
the Dead Sea came to life and poured the word into Bush’s head. He’s not
just a man, he’s a super man.”
The indicted Tom Delay warned Miers during a quick phone
exchanged explained Miers. “Tom told me to be careful because Bush’s
powers were not absolute. But I dismiss his remarks as those of a doubting
Thomas. That’s why he’s in trouble. He doubts. I won’t doubt."
She did try to downplay her beliefs during a recent Bean
Soup Times exclusive interview. “Bushism is less a religion and more a way
of life,” she said. (Note to reader: religion IS a way of life). “I simply
try to please Bush and I know I’ll win favors in heaven."
Meanwhile, Chicagoans say if the White Sox sweep the
Houston Astros, then White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen should be swept into the
Supreme Court. Several democrats agreed. “Well, first of all, he’s easier
to understand than Miers,” said Congressman Harold Stickies (D-IL).
“And most importantly, we know what he stands for: The
White Sox. What more could you want in a Supreme Court nominee that some one
who fights for white sox? He’s not fighting for black sox, if you get my
drift.”
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