Why did the Chickenhead cross the road?

Humor 291 136

Bean Soup Times assigned a reporter to learn what various celebrities thought about a question that has plagued America for decades. Below are the answers to this most important question:

Why did the Chickenhead cross the road?

Johnny Cochran
Can we be sure this chickenhead crossed the road? Did anyone see her? What would be her motive for crossing the road? Did the footprints match? It the prints don’t fit, we must acquit this chick.

Michael Jackson
Because she never had a real childhood on that side of the road. She crossed it to hopefully to relive her childhood, besides, Tito was on the other side with the tissue.

Michael Jordan
To apologize to his wife who was finally serious about getting a divorce, but frankly it’s really none of your business what that chickenhead was doing.

Mary J. Blige
She crossed the road to get away from the drugs. She had to cross over to a new life where there was no more pain. She accepted herself for who she was, her small beak and chicken legs and all.

O.J. Simpson
Because he was a black chicken falsely accused of killing his white chickenhead wife and he was looking to find the real killer. And to score some ecstasy.

Bob Johnson (BET)
To be included in the next 365 days of continuous soft porn, “shake your booty” videos getting ready to be aired on BET.

Suge Knight
Because she knew I was getting out of jail soon. Not only did the chickenhead cross the road, but also got a restraining order placed on me.

Rev. Jerry Falwell
She thought she could avoid hell and damnation, but neither her nor any illegal aliens can avoid that fate. Besides, all she did was try to take a job from a hardworking American.

Oprah Winfrey
She was terrified, but she knew she had to cross the road, which meant a path to a better life. She could finally leave the abuse behind. I know exactly how she felt. I’ve suffered the same abuses…I don’t know exactly what a chickenhead would suffer from, but I’m sure I suffered them as well.

Jennifer Lopez
So she could date a bad boy, say the “N” word and marry a dancer.

Because her mother was a *%$#.

Omar Tyree
Because she was a fly chick, sportin’ big ear rings and a bad attitude and she knew no one would deny her the opportunity to stop traffic as she strutted across the street in strapless pumps and a sun dress on a hot summer day in the ‘hood.

Nation of Islam spokesman
This so-called chickenhead, who is really a dear, sweet woman–the mother of civilization–was exercising her God-given right to travel the earth regardless to the restrictions and artificial limitations placed upon her by others. In truth, she wanted to show the world what freedom really looks like.

About the author / 

Toure Muhammad

Author Toure Muhammad is the head bean, publisher and chief strategist of Bean Soup Times. The Morehouse graduate has written front page cover stories for The Final Call and N’digo. He has been featured in the Chicago Reader, Upscale magazine, rolling out newspaper, and N’Digo magapaper. He’s been featured on Tavis Smiley’s radio show on NPR, on Chicago’s WBEZ (Chicago public radio), and many other radio shows.

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